SIX easy steps to neglecting your child whilst on holiday
1) Make sure they are alone.
2) Never lock windows or doors to allow easy access for abductors, paedophiles , swarthy gypsies etc
3) Make sure you are far enough away so you may not hear them scream daddy, daddy in despair
4) Even when they tell you they woke and were afraid because you were not there...still carry on leaving them becasue after all it's your holiday too.
5) On your return from your night of pleasure, if you should find one of your children missing, blame everyone but yourself .
6) And always , always remember to ask the public for money to help in your search to find said missing child, as you cannot be bothered.